Be kind to yourself

Nurturing self-care as a simple daily habit. By Tara Stiles

We have a special opportunity with our yoga practice to be able to live mindfully. We can decide to practice how we want to feel, how we want to be, and how we want to live. We can decide if we want to approach our yoga as something incredibly challenging to suffer through, and enjoy the relief when suffering is eventually over. This is a familiar path through our life, as much as our yoga. No pain no gain.

Force, push and struggle. We know how that feels and we know what we get. We can accomplish with this approach, but we hurt ourselves physically and emotionally in the process. We hurt others by moving around in the world this way. If you look at how you practice and how you are, they are interconnected. We have an opportunity to practice a better way. Every breath is an opportunity to feel better, to be and do better.

We can decide to practice how we would like to be in the world. We can decide to notice, instead of ignore, how we feel. We can change how we move, rather than suffering a bad position. We can be always creating and re-creating a foundation that supports where we are now, and where we want to go next. We can be in a moving and healing relationship between our body and breath, so we’re never tensing up and waiting for something to be over.

There is a term for this flow in the healing arts: Wu Wei. Literally ‘do nothing’… it means to use what you need, and rest what you don’t.

I like to think of moving and being this way as a form of recycling myself. When I am in the Wu Wei flow, I am good to myself and those around me. I imagine dropping off flowers for everyone and the earth wherever I go. When I am out of the Wu Wei flow, I am harsh on myself and those around me. I imagine dropping garbage for everyone and the earth wherever I go.

This image helps remind me to notice when I’m tensing up, and to make a change. We’re either conserving and supporting growth or wasting and encouraging destruction.

We are so used to talking about these habits when it comes to our consumption and the environment. I’m hoping for a direction where talking about these habits, with how we move and how we are, becomes just as comfortable. We can do this.

All of this is not new, but it’s not how we are living individually or as a society. Deeply, it’s what we crave. It’s our natural state, before the pile-on feelings of fear and lack grab onto us. This is the tai chi way of yoga, or the Ayurveda way of yoga, or the healing arts way of yoga, or really your great grandmother’s approach to yoga and life. Use what you need. Rest what you don’t. Notice how you feel and respond.

This is a practice we can do on our yoga mat, as well as all of the other times of day. Soften. Breathe. Move from your middle. Relax what you don’t need. Notice what you feel and respond, in a way that makes it easier to be where you are and go where you’re going. Pay attention to what’s going on with you. Open yourself to what’s going on around you. How can you help yourself? How can you serve others?

When you notice the tension grabbing a hold of you, stop, soften and breathe deep. Crawl down to the ground when you forget, and if that’s not possible, sit comfortably in a chair. Be moveable, so you can be moved. Watch your breath move you outward as you inhale. Watch your breath move you inward as you exhale. Notice how you feel. It’s time to move beyond self-care being selfish. It’s time to normalise self-care as the necessary main ingredient for your wellbeing, and | the wellbeing of those and the world around you.

Tara Stiles is a globally recognised yoga expert, founder of Strala Yoga, and the author of Clean Mind, Clean Body: A 28-Day Plan for Physical, Mental, and Spiritual Self-Care. She’s also our fantastic cover star this month. Find her at: stralayoga.com