How to Identify and Manage Relationship Anxiety

Understanding and Managing Relationship Anxiety for a Healthier Connection - By Rebecca Auguste

Reading time: 3 minutes

What is relationship anxiety?

Relationship anxiety refers to feelings of persistent worry and fear when in a romantic relationship. A person with relationship anxiety might be dealing with low self-esteem, abandonment issues and a fear of rejection that’s disrupting their wellbeing and everyday life. You may need constant and excessive reassurance from your partner to handle the feelings of unease and stress in your relationship.

There are many reasons for relationship anxiety but the most prominent reasons tend to be anxious attachment styles, low self-esteem, poor communication, traumatic past relationships and anxiety disorders.

Relationship anxiety can lead to toxic communication, conflict and suffering for both parties. It is normal to feel some level of worry and stress in a romantic relationship but if it's severely impacting your mental health and self-worth then it may be time to take the steps to address the issue.

How can relationship anxiety be identified?

If you suffer from relationship anxiety you may be struggling with the following:

The need for reassurance - You may constantly ask your partner if they still love you and how they feel about the relationship. The need for constant validation and affirmations from your partner can begin to harm the state of your relationship.
Pre-empting a breakup - Feelings of insecurity and anxiety can lead you to assume that your partner will break up with you even when they have not indicated that they are unhappy in the relationship.
Sabotaging the relationship - The uncertainty in the state of your relationship can result in you sabotaging your relationship to protect yourself from more heartbreak in the future. You might start to pick fights with them out of thin air or push them away.
Changing yourself for their approval - People pleasing and anxiety often go hand in hand. A people pleaser will adjust their behaviour and personality to receive more attention and affection from their partner.
Overthinking your partner's words and actions - Reading too much into what your partner says and does can result in toxic communication, stress and ruminating over negative thought processes.

How to cope with your relationship anxiety?

Mindfulness - Practicing mindfulness can help you focus on the present, without judgement. To be mindful in a relationship means that you do not overthink the future or past and get wrapped up in unhelpful thoughts. If these thoughts do arise then you can acknowledge them without judgement and then shift your focus to the ‘now’.

Talk to a professional - If anxiety has resulted in the deterioration of your relationship and has had a profound effect on your mental health then it might be time to speak to a professional. A therapist or counsellor can help you find out the root cause of your relationship anxiety and provide support on how you can overcome it.
Meditation - If you’re suffering from relationship anxiety then meditation can be a great way to be more in tune with your thoughts and emotions. It can be easy to ruminate on the state of your relationship and as a result, you can begin to question if your partner loves you and if they still want to be with you. Mediation helps clear your mind, refocus your intentions and will enable you to let go of persistent worry and anxious thoughts.
Communicate with your partner - Having an open and honest conversation with your partner about how you’ve been feeling will help them understand your perspective. They can begin to understand what’s fueling your anxiety and provide you with additional support when you’re feeling consumed with worry.
Begin to understand your triggers - You will need to question the root cause of your anxiety. Is it something that your partner is doing to make you feel insecure and anxious? Is this trigger a valid concern or are you overthinking? If you’re unsure of your triggers then journaling can be a great way to reflect on your thoughts and behaviours to begin to understand the cause of your anxiety.
Do things that spark joy - If you need to shift your energy to something more positive then you can take up hobbies and activities that bring you happiness. It’s an act of self-care to prioritise yourself and to do the things that nurture your well-being. Also if you can do these things with your partner it can be a way for you to bond and ease the tension that arises from relationship anxiety.

Overall, relationship anxiety is something that the majority of people will experience at some point in their life. However, it becomes a concern when it has a severe negative impact on your relationship and mental health. If your relationship anxiety is robbing you of your happiness then there are steps you can take to lift this weight off your shoulders.

Self-reflection, open communication and shifting your energy away from the negative are all useful ways to ease the anxiety that you may be feeling. If your anxiety persists then mental health professionals should be contacted and they can provide you with the appropriate guidance and support to overcome low self-esteem and anxiety.