Looking Forward Within Our Relationships

We all want to be seen for who we are right now, without being weighed down by our past mistakes or misunderstandings, but how often do we do the same for others?

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In relationships, we often struggle to give that same grace. Instead, we hold onto old hurts, allowing them to shape how we see and interact with people in our lives. Carrying these past wounds doesn’t just impact our relationships, it affects our own peace of mind. So how do we let go of the past and make room for growth, both for ourselves and for others?

Life is constantly changing, and so are people. Just as we aren’t the same as we were five years ago, or even yesterday, neither are the people around us. Our minds, however, tend to hold onto painful experiences, creating patterns that keep us stuck in old stories and past versions of people. Without realising it, we let those experiences dictate our present interactions, preventing us from fully inhabiting our relationships in the here and now. Practicing kindness and understanding, both toward ourselves and others, can help us break free from this cycle. When we hold onto resentment and define someone by their past, we create suffering. First in our own hearts, then in our relationships. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or excusing harm; it means releasing the weight we’ve been carrying so we can see each other clearly again.

The Practice of Forgiveness

Letting go of expectations is another step toward freeing ourselves. We can’t control how others grow, how they change, how they choose to show up, or how they make amends, but we can choose to meet them as they are today, instead of clinging to who they were or the mistakes they made. This isn’t about ignoring the past but about allowing the present moment to unfold without being overshadowed by old narratives. This can be tough, especially if the pain is deep and especially if the person is still falling short of the person we need or would like them to be. When old wounds resurface or the pain we feel within our relationships comes up, it helps to pause and check in with ourselves. What are we still holding onto? Where do we feel tension in our bodies? Sometimes, just taking a deep breath can create a little space, a small release. We can remind ourselves: I am here. This moment is new. This person, like us, is imperfect and in need of grace. Forgiveness isn’t a one-time event; it’s something we must practice repeatedly. Some days, it comes easily.

Healing through Loving-Kindness.

Other days, it feels impossible. However, each time we choose to soften, to be present, and to let go just a little, we open the door to something new. We make space for others to grow and we give ourselves the same chance to move forward, lighter and freer.

When pain surfaces, whether it's emotional or physical, one way to release it is through the practice of metta (loving-kindness) and forgiveness. In these moments, pause and bring awareness to the pain and discomfort you are experiencing. As you breathe, offer loving-kindness not only to yourself but also to the source of your pain, whether it be a person, a situation, or even an emotion that has caused harm. Start by silently repeating phrases like, 'May I be free from this pain’, ‘May I be free from my suffering’, 'May they be free from their suffering,' and 'May we all find peace.' I have used this practice in some form during really challenging periods of my life when forgiveness felt too far away. This practice allowed me some space from my suffering. It gave me some freedom. When offering forgiveness, remember that it doesn’t mean excusing harmful actions, but rather releasing the hold those actions have on you. Direct your forgiveness towards the person or situation that caused the pain, and even to yourself if self-blame is part of the struggle. This act of releasing and offering compassion helps transform the pain into healing, creating space for peace and a sense of freedom from the weight of resentment.

Finding Peace in the Present

Letting go of the past and embracing the present is not always easy, but it is a powerful act of love—for ourselves and for others. When we choose to release resentment, soften our judgments, and offer grace, we create space for growth and healing. This practice is ongoing, requiring patience and self-compassion, but each small step toward forgiveness lightens our hearts and deepens our connections. As we meet each moment with openness, we allow ourselves to truly see and be seen, free from the weight of the past. And in that freedom, we find peace.